The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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