Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
