just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
