But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
