Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
