high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
