Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
