Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
