I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
