She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
