When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
