Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You can't just leave with hair like that
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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