Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
