dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
