Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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