i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
