What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
