Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
