NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
