I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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