I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
