So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
