I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
