I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
