Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
