So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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