Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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