So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
