I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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