Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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