I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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