Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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