eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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