ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.