where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.