So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.