New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.