My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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