Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
