you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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