let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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