i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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