he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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