It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
