it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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