I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
