i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
