He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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