we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
