He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
