Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
