after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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