Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
