remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
