it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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