Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
