I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
