When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize