I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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