im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
