My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize