I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize