i wish starbucks made bloody marys
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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