She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
