We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
