hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
