She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
