I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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