Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
mondays should just be called national damage control day
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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