I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
