I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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