i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
