We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
