So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize