god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
