I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
