I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
