Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
