Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
