if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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