Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
